Love me or hate me.

Good mooooood.

Everything’s fine as of now.

Dad won’t even talk to me. That’s okay. I’ll wait for him to come to me. I’m tired of this thing.

Mom. She betrayed me. Don’t know what to do.

It’s a weird thing. To cry. How the water builds up in your eyes, rolls down your face. Disperse and land on something. I cry easily. Especially when my parents are giving me a lecture. I cry. Every. Single. Time. I can’t help it. I try to hold it in. When I do, my eyes start stinging. I like that feeling. I like to inflict pain on myself, mostly when I’m pissed off. Frustrated. Irritated. Annoyed. Sad. Every single emotion that isn’t optimistic. I don’t care. I like being a masochist.

I hate crying. Gets my face. Eyes all puffy. People know you’ve been crying, some won’t say anything. Some just stare. I don’t care. Stare all you want, you won’t win anything.

Sometimes. It really sucks. Education comes first. No matter what. You have to abide these asian rules, depending on your ethnicity. Especially when you’re in America. You find things that are unfair. You’ll see your Americanized friends, be Americans. While you have to be Asian-American. Following American laws, but Asian rules. It’s not that great. At times. Such as now. I’m not liking my asian ness. It blows.

I’ll do many things that’ll make my parents proud. I promise that. Why can’t I just be a normal teenager at this phase? This is freaking America. Why can’t you let me be?

I hate Tumblr at times. It erases things that took me awhile to type up. Forget it.

Sometimes there are things I need to appreciate.
Sometimes there are things I need to realize.
Sometimes there are things where I need to fake my true feelings.

That. That is what I’m going to do for awhile.

I don’t care about what I’m feeling. If someone else, a friend of mine, is down. Of course I’ll be there to cheer them up. Even if I’m not that great at it, I’ll do my best. I’m not smart. I’ll never be smart. I don’t care.

Why? Why can’t I freaking work? You told me if I ever need money, then I should ask for it. I don’t want to rob you empty, dad. I know how hard you work for the money. I don’t want to just take it. I want to earn my own money. Didn’t you tell me it’s better if you start things off young? I’m still young dad. You’re being a hypocrite. You won’t let me work there. Why? Is it cause of your pride? Your Chinese pride? Is there something wrong working there? No. You told me it’s dangerous. They have a freaking sheriff that they hire. How can it possibly be dangerous? You make up these excuses. You tell me not to lie. I won’t. I’m working there. Whether you like it or not. I’m not going to Classen. Whether you like it or not. I don’t care. Take my phone away. Take everything you own, away from me. Go ahead. Take it. You won’t see me much longer if you keep being stubborn. I don’t care how much you “care” about me. I’m not tryna start anything. But if you make me, I’ll do it. I’ll go away. With whatever money I have left. I’ll find a place. Live on my own maybe. I don’t want to be here anymore. I’m tired of it. I want to start anew. You just won’t let me will you. Is it cause you want to make your parents proud? Typical asians. Huh. Well, Dad. This is not Thailand. This is America. White kids. If you didn’t want me or your other children to turn out this way. You should of thought it first. Before you moved over here. Think about it.

The reason why I made another Tumblr is for own personal use. To see how many things happened as I grow up. I probably won’t keep this one for long but we’ll see.

Things happen for a purpose. Not always will it seem like life is fair. It’s never fair. Don’t get your hopes up. People believe that this and that happens if they do something for the greater good. I’m not talking about if you do some volunteering. If it was meant to happen. It will happen. Patience is the best key.